I’ve been a wee bit absent the last month or so, as-you-might-have-noticed. I feel like a self-made pariah lately. To be honest, I’ve been wading through so much junk in every aspect of my life that I couldn’t really fathom writing. That sounds like an oxymoron or something though because if there’s any time to write everything down it’d been when everything is happening. Perhaps it was simply that it was overwhelming to think of writing. Too much swirling around in the thought nugget to try and sort it out. And then couple that with the migraines of early this week and you might as well just shoot me and my potential. But alas, I’ve waded through the muck. And while there’s still much to sort out, I feel confident about the light at the end of the tunnel.
I read the most amazing quote this morning . . . “You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it”. It blows my mind. Mind. Blown. So much of my life has been spent trying to survive it rather than live it. Which is no life to live at all. I decided two years ago that my life could look like whatever I wanted it to. And that whatever was standing in my way was of my own doing. I’ve spent the last 6 months or so opening myself up to the concept of being vulnerable again. Truth be told, it scares the hell out of me. I put myself out there and then for unforeseen circumstances had to yank it back in. Now I’m trying to convince myself to come back out of my shell. I suppose there’s no time like the present.
I’ve also come to some new conclusions . . . I need to get back into being healthy. What does this mean you might ask . . . Eating better (sort of fell off the wagon on that one), cooking more at home, and being more active again. This isn’t a health kick either. Just a simple feel-good necessity. Not really an option. I need to get back to living for me. Not trying to validate myself in an effort to feel less alone. And doing things to be more vulnerable. That’s an awfully vague way of phrasing that, but it’s so open to new things . . . Going on an unexpected coffee adventure randomly, letting go on the car trip tomorrow and having fun at the game without caring about anything else, putting my work out there finally.It’s ridiculous that it’s taken me so long, but I guess everything happens as it should.
Anyway, just a little love note to myself and anyone reading . . . I’m back.
Hugs & Love!