There comes a time when one must ask themselves, “What am I worth?”
Worth is a funny thing. It boils down to so many other emotions . . . fear, love, shame, self-esteem, guilt, pride. But the core value of how you live your entire life comes to one inescapable conclusion . . . do you think you are worthy?
And because of all of this, I have come to my own inescapable truth . . . somewhere in the bottom of my soul, something has been causing me to live as though I am not. Something completely out of my control that someone sold me through guilt and shame and I bought it.
I’m thinking about seeing someone about all of this. I think what’s been holding me back is a) fear and b) I need a bullshit-proof shrink. I need a therapist that other therapists see . . . someone who can sniff out the bullshit. The problem with what I feel, or fear rather, is that none of it is logical. Logically, I’m awesome. And I deserve love and goodness and success, just the same as everyone else. But whether this is logical or not, I have not been treating myself in a way that reflects this belief. I’m an emotional eater who keeps people at a distance in an effort to remain protected. This is not logical. But it’s there. And it obviously isn’t going away. And at this rate, I do not have the time to dilly-dally with it.
So, on my almost 26th birthday, I’m making a commitment to treat myself well. And though scary, this is my first step . . .