I signed up for this blogging challenge and yet, I’m sort of sucking at it this week. Sleep has been a cruel mistress this week and severely fleeting. Between staying up too late, then staying up later last night to put away my stew once it was done cooking and then my dog waking me up at 3am to make me take her out in the cold, pouring down rain. Of course I slept through my alarm this morning too. Figures. But in the interest of saving time and multiple posts in the same day, I’m going to be awesome. You can thank me in the form of hugs and chocolate.
I Is For Imbalance: Earlier this week and last week sucked. I was a veritable roller coaster of trigger happy jerk faceness. I HATE being this way. My body was coming off hormones and all it did was remind me of why I’m on it. There is nothing quite like spazzing out in excess rudeness and watching yourself do in horror because you can’t control it. It’s like spending half a month on the shame train. Upon my final jerk face act I of course figured out the reason behind it and quickly remedied it and all is back to good, but still . . . HATES. While it’d be nice to not be alone, I pray you don’t get to experience it. Next time you’re ready to call someone a bitch, take a moment to realize that they might have already beat you to the bunch internally.
J Is For Jawbreakers & Jellyfish: Do you remember jawbreakers? They were great when you were younger. Especially the big white ones. When I was little I picked one out at the candy shop as my special treat. I licked and licked that thing every day. I lived for the contact high and the white tongue at first. THen as I worked on it, it melted away to reveal its layers and became smoother and smoother. Soon it resembled the geological layers of the earth. I carried it around in a sandwich bag to keep it from going. I think I made it half way through until I either lost it or just couldn’t take it anymore. Or maybe I found it years later in some random drawer or box, tucked away. I can’t quite remember.One thing I do remember quite clearly from that time though was getting stung by jellyfish. At the time my grandparents lived on this beautiful bay. It was perfect to lounge out for hours during the sweltering summers. We’d look for fish and wonder at the amazing horseshoe crabs. It was great. That is until a jellyfish ruined my day. I think I had on a purple polka dot swimsuit and crappy 90’s hair that you just couldn’t escape. I was walking around in the water, my family lounging on the beach, when all of a sudden I started screaming bloody murder and crying hysterically. The jellyfish had entangled itself in my legs and had stung up and down my shins and feet. Eventually the pain subsided and I went on about my vacation, but for that afternoon, the world was ending. And so was my weanie attitude towards pain. To this day, I often wonder why I didn’t just pee on myself to solve the problem. I’m sure my family thought about it, but having your family pee on you is probably more traumatizing than a jellyfish conundrum.
K Is For Awesome One-Sentence Statements About Karaoke, Karma, Kayaking, Killers, Kindergarten and Kindness: I hate karaoke; I think it’s like American Idol try-outs – music hyped up on off-tune crack. It is important to have good karma because the universe rewards you in things like scratch-it winnings, free sandwiches when you’re broke and pretty flowers from amazing people when you least expect it. As a side note, if you choose to operate your life as though the world does not revolve with your crappy karma in it and proceed to be a dickwad, that’s fine, just prepare for satan to bite you in the ass. I find serial killers fascinating; true they are completely and utterly horrific crimes, but they still got there somehow. The only thing I really remember about kindergarten (if that’s what you call it) was work books that taught you the letters of the alphabet and how to write them, bathrooms without individual personal stalls and glorified babysitters complaining about how the boys could never aim at anything beyond the back of the toilet and the wall. Please practice random acts of kindness; it will do your soul good.
I really should write my L post today, ya know, on L day, but alas, I haven’t yet decided what I want it to be about. It’s a heavy and opportunistic letter. You’ll just have to wait until tomorrow. But in the meantime, I will wet your appetites with an amusing anecdote . . .
Awkward Moment of The Week:
I pray that this story doesn’t end up being one of those “you had to be there” moments, but bear with me. I preface this by saying that I find it rude to walk in front of someone when they are speaking to someone else if I can at all help it. The other day I was at work and went to the kitchen to refill my water glass. My coworker was standing in the doorway, blocking passage if-you-will, while finishing up a conversation with another in the room. To avoid being rude, I stood out of the way and waited for the conversation to pass because frankly, I was not dying of thirst in the Sudan and in no real hurry. So I’m standing there, the conversation breaks up and thinking he’d walk straight out, what does he do but start to back up and out of the room right into my general direction. To my utter horror I had no recourse but to stand there, paralyzed by my inability to utter a sound when WHACK! Elbow and arm right to the boob as he turns around. I didn’t really care, what are you going to do, but the utter look of shame and the bright color red he turned as he stood out of the way, hugging the wall, was priceless! And really, there’s no way to recover from that. You say something and it makes it worse, you look at each other it makes it worse. Instead you both walk away and try not to die from a culmination of humiliation and hi-lariousness. He later said I was a ninja for sneaking up so quietly. Flash forward to today . . . SAME THING HAPPENED AGAIN! All I could say was, “Really? Again?” It goes to show you ladies, when perfecting your ninja skills, be sure to protect the ladies or at least have a snappy statement at the ready.
Well, seeing as it’s almost 10, inexplicably again, I probably should be turning in for bed. I hope you all are having a stupendous week or at least are ready for friday. Next stop: Weekend! Hugs & love!