I hate letting go of friends. It’s never a comfortable feeling. Freeing maybe, but comfortable no. They are often like a square patch blanket, something you know and love. But then sometimes they turn into goo. Ratty and riddled with plague. I don’t believe in beating a dead horse. And while I believe you should hold on to good friends, some of them you have to let go of in order to move forward . . .
Tonight I was honest with a friend from long ago. Someone I knew when we were both different people. I saw them in fall for the first time in almost ten years and what was once za-za-z00, had turned into za-za-eeew. The sense of humor I once appreciated had now turned into negative cynicism I couldn’t stand. The beautiful picture I had in my head was replaced by rudeness and materialism that was stifling. Walking from exhibit to exhibit, moving from place to place, what should be smooth was silently awkward. And in a place where I wished for someone known and lovely, I was met with a bad taste in my mouth. I appreciated their effort for the experience, I know it was put forth. But all of that is shadowed by what everything had into.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I couldn’t ignore this pink elephant in the room that I had been strategically dodging for months. I didn’t hide because I was afraid of the truth. I knew it in my heart and gut. I hid because I didn’t want to utter it. Who wants to say to their friend, “I’m sorry, but no more”. Nobody I know. They will never truly understand. They will forever think you just walked away or couldn’t handle it or made some wildly ridiculous decision that didn’t make sense. But what do you do when you are two completely different people in your world view and how you conduct yourselves? When you are morally obligated in your beliefs, do you just keep silent? I can’t. I won’t be that person with dozens of holes in their tongue because they wouldn’t be honest.
Usually I feel good about a decision like this. But, while I know it was right, it’s still saddening. They say people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I wish my friend light and love in their life. Always.